Dealing with time apart

One of the harder things to deal with as a military spouse is time apart. It is a reality of life for those of us married to a man or woman in uniform. If you are lucky, your spouse is on shore duty, but other than a few special rates, the time will come where they are on sea duty or deployed out. Sometimes you may only have to spend a week apart, other times it may be a year or more. No time apart is fun or welcomed but it is necessary to develop healthy coping mechanisms sooner than later. It is easy to let deployments come between a marriage and if the two people in the relationship are not careful a lot of bad stuff (ie cheating) can happen. I have heard many a horror story about a husband that goes off to sea only to find out that his wife has befriended a sailor or what have you. The opposite is also true. "Port rats" (the tramps who wait at the pier for the sailors to get in and are there for a good time) are very real and are always ready and waiting.

Some things I would advise as a spouse is to find a support group and make friends. I know especially during the first few times your husband leaves, its hard to find the motivation to get out and do things that might be fun. Believe me, you need to. Find other wives from your husbands command because they are in the loop with what is going on with his ship and you will have things in common with them.

Find a hobby. Whether you are living in the states or abroad, all bases have clubs and activities planned. Look up your bases MWR on facebook. Most are really good about listing events that are coming up. Go even if you go by yourself. Be willing to talk to those other women that are there. You will kill two birds with one stone, hobby and friends.

If you can, visit home. If your husband is going to be gone for a long period of time why not take a trip to see your family. Make sure if you are living in base housing to talk to the housing office about their rules for how long you can be gone before you forfeit your housing.

Make plans. Ask neighbors and friends over for a BBQ. Find people to celebrate a holiday with. Making plans will give you something to look forward to.

Take time to write your husband. I normally write my husband at least once a day on facebook or his email. It is normally about the hum drum stuff of the day but it makes me feel more connected to him. Tell him how much you love him. Send him pictures. Put together a care package. Have him get a phone card so when he is in port he can call.

If you are really lucky, meet your husband in port. There are many safe ports that sailors visit. Make up a code of some sort so you know when he will be there. Make sure its a really good code. If you know where he is and when you can always fly there and have some time together. Make sure he oks with his ship to be with you BEFORE you get there.

My biggest advice, don't get too close to another sailor. The intentions may be good, just friends. The chances are that you are both lonely and stupid things can happen when people get lonely. Don't be dumb. Stay true to your sailor.

For any questions and or comments, email me a navywifeinjapan@gmail.com